Psychologist Breaks Down the Slang Behind Gen Z’s Dating Struggles

Gen Z’s dating scene has produced a glossary of its own, and a relationship psychologist says most of the new terms describe old problems with new names.

Dr. Orion Taraban, who runs the YouTube channel “PsychHacks,” walked through the current slate of dating trends and jargon in comments to The Post, describing a generation navigating high expectations, expensive dates and what he characterizes as a widening mismatch between what men and women want from each other.

The New Vocabulary

Among the terms Taraban defined:

• Shrekking — dating someone considered less attractive on the theory that they’ll be more appreciative. “Not nice,” Taraban said. “He’ll be kicked to the curb when she finds something better. Yet, the No. 1 question I get from women is, ‘How can I get married?'”
• Frankensteining — trying to reshape a partner’s looks or personality to meet one’s standards. “Never works, forget it,” he said.
• Clear Coding, also called Dating with Intention — arriving at a first date with a checklist of required traits. “It’s mostly women who do this,” Taraban said. “There won’t be a second date.”
• Friendfluence — bringing friends along to vet a prospective partner, which Taraban compared to a double date.
• Benching — keeping a backup romantic option on standby.
• Wanderlove — vacation romance, which Taraban said often flourishes because travelers believe they’ll never see the other person again and act more like themselves.
• Wildflowering — abandoning the checklist altogether, which Taraban called the healthiest of the trends.
• Body count — asking a partner how many people they’ve previously slept with. “Ridiculous question,” Taraban said. “A woman’s going to lie.”
• Situationship — an undefined, informal relationship. “Gen Z likes things more structured,” he said.

The Price of a Date — and the Odds

Taraban put the average cost of a date at $225, which he said is reshaping who women are willing to meet. “Women aren’t going to get dressed, put on makeup, take an expensive taxi or drive to meet a guy for a walk or to split a coffee,” he said.

He also said dating apps have concentrated attention on a small pool of men. “About 85% of women on apps are dating 15% of men,” Taraban said, “but they’ll find out that it only works out 1% of the time.”

Less Sex, More Friction

Taraban said the data show declining sexual activity among young adults, estimating that roughly a third of men and a sixth of women under 30 report no sex in a given year.

He argued that economic and romantic expectations are colliding with reality. “Women are starting to realize they’re never going to land a rich, handsome guy, and the new question is: ‘How can I find a good man?'” Taraban said. “Like the game musical chairs, they’ll find out the song will stop and be forced to sit down.”