Two letter writers from Kentucky and Missouri turned to syndicated advice columnist Dear Abby this week with household conflicts they said had reached a breaking point — one involving a misbehaving teenager next door, the other a live-in mother-in-law who refuses to pitch in.
A woman identifying herself as “Annoyed in Kentucky” wrote that her friendship with her next-door neighbor, referred to as “Dee,” is strained by the behavior of Dee’s granddaughter, called “Sarah.” The two were once friendly, the letter writer said, but Sarah grew disrespectful, ringing the doorbell without reason and teasing her cats despite being asked to stop. When the neighbor raised the issue with Dee, Dee said she would talk to Sarah but admitted she “can’t make Sarah mind at times.”
The behavior stopped briefly, the writer said, but resumed about two weeks ago, with Sarah skating back and forth in front of her apartment and, more recently, watching her while she’s outside.
Dear Abby’s response put the responsibility squarely on the grandmother. “As the adult in the household, Dee is responsible for anything Sarah does, and you should react accordingly,” the column read. Abby advised the Kentucky woman to keep treating Dee as a friend so long as Sarah’s conduct doesn’t escalate, and said simple “watching” isn’t worth jeopardizing the friendship over. But if the antics return to earlier levels, Abby wrote, the neighbor should tell Dee directly that she expects her to control her granddaughter — and call police if Sarah’s behavior ever turns criminal.
Missouri Household Strained by Unequal Burden
A second letter came from a Missouri woman signing as “Heavy-Hearted,” who said her mother-in-law moved into the home she shares with her husband seven months ago, with little discussion beforehand. Since then, she wrote, the mother-in-law has not helped with cooking or cleaning even as household costs — electricity, groceries, water — have risen. The couple also covers the mother-in-law’s doctor visits and prescriptions, with no offer of repayment, and the writer said the mother-in-law is disrespectful toward her.
The writer said her husband has taken on most of the caretaking himself, including managing his mother’s bills and packing up her former house into storage, but that his mother has never reciprocated even basic family gestures such as birthday cards for their children or grandchildren. When the writer has raised the strain, she said her husband responds by asking, “What am I supposed to do, kick her out?”
Abby’s advice: the couple should have discussed expectations before the mother-in-law moved in, but since that didn’t happen, it’s not too late to hold a three-person meeting now. Abby suggested the writer draft a list beforehand of specific responsibilities she believes her mother-in-law should take on, to keep the conversation focused — and noted that having the mother-in-law’s belongings already in storage could make a future move easier if it comes to that.
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